Sunday Reflections: Are Cheaters are Losers?
Cheating, in every sense of the word, involves taking something that is not yours. It involves a betrayal of trust.
According to the Okyeame Kwame dictionary, cheating in a relationship is the act of emotionally or physically having a romantic relationship with someone whiles you are committed to another. Emotional cheating could be realized through flirting, sensual comments and remarks, uncensored suggestive emails and text messages, exchange of pornography, romantic pet names amongst others. Physical cheating is obvious – simply sexual encounters like fondling, kissing and copulation with another person. However , it is not cheating if you tell your partner before hand that u are polygamous .
Cheating in a relationship is a sign of selfishness and immaturity. I have been selfish and immature in my earlier relationships and – I am not proud to say – but I strayed. I look back on those days and realize how I lived without understanding.
I also know how it feels to be cheated on. Believe it or not, I was also cheated on. If you have invested a good level of attachment in the relationship, being cheated on makes you feel lost and dejected. The foundation of your confidence is shaken so severely you’d wish your mind will stop playing back the incident over and over again. It hurts.
I grew up. I came to understand who I am as a man and how cheating does not only hurt my partner but myself. Above all, I realized how much of a loser I was by my cheating ways. Thankfully, I continue to master the discipline to shut down opportunities to cheat on my wife.
Today, I share a few of the techniques helping me be successful in this area of life.
These techniques apply to both men and women.Man has three main dimensions. They are the physical and emotional, psychological and the spiritual or energetic dimensions.
1. Understand your Body (physical and emotional).
The body is made up of bones, cells and evolutionary memory. Our cells remember behaviours and emotions from our polygamous grandparents and have the basic instinct to stray. Our respective emotions are controlled by our respective egos, which is selfish and greedy. This body wishes to eat all the time and sleep all the time and have sexual encounters with many attractive people . As you develop your mind and gain mastery over your body, you learn not to eat all the time or sleep all the time. Likewise, understanding that your body will behave in its primitive ways if you let it, you can do a better job of not letting your body lead the way.
2. Know your Mind: (psychological)
The mind has different compartments with each responsible for specific duties. The unconscious,conscious,sub-conscious and the super -conscious. Even though your mind controls your body and emotions through your super conscious, it is limited by your body. Because your body – your subconsciousness – keeps a record of our habits and repeated actions, your mind needs to be retrained in order to change your default behavior.
For example, when a guy sees a nice girl with bulging hips (talking about my specs), his body sends neuro signals to his brain saying,
“Hey look at a beautiful girl; that’s a great opportunity to have pleasure and also make babies.”
Then the mind responds with a command that increases blood flow into the guy’s penis. That signal to the penis controls his subsequent actions and his emotions hijack his thoughts.
Ladies and gentlemen, our minds are powerful to override our penises and sex hormones but we have to train the mind to do so. If you are going to be able to override your default or evolutionary memory of your body, you must activate your super consciousness to be intentional that no matter how attractive that other person is you are not matting.
3. Know your Spiritual Energy:
Spirituality is the consciousness or awareness of one’s unseen energetic force. That force is the God part of you. You are not just an ordinary person. A person who has spiritual awareness feels the pain of others. Therefore, you’ll feel the betrayal and hurt when you betray or hurt your partner. An awakened husband knows his body wishes to have multiple partners but he also has enough empathy to feel the pain his wife will feel when she is betrayed. Likewise, a spiritually enlightened wife knows it’s not “just” flirting or “just” enjoying a guy’s attention when she is tempted to cheat emotionally or physically. Empathy is such an important factor in staying faithful to your partner, and empathy grows as your spiritual awareness grows.
When the genitalia of a male and female come together it is called sex. When their emotions come together it is called romance. When their minds come together, there is oneness of mind. When your spirits come together it’s called inclusion . When she hurts, you hurt and because you don’t want to hurt yourself, you don’t hurt her. Let your mind control your body whiles your spirit directs your mind .
The opportunity to cheat will come but you have a choice in how you respond. Every time you override your basic instinct to cheat, your cells learn and are better equipped to deal with the next temptation.
Now my questions:
- Have you been tempted to cheat, how did you handle the situation?
- What did you learn from cheating or overcoming the temptation to cheat?
- Would you marry a partner who admits that he or she is polygamous by nature and do not have the will to subdue the urge to cheat?
Source: Article was written by Okyeame Kwame. Follow him on Facebook @OkyeameK